Bitching and more bitching....
Hey guys... Sorry about the lack of blogging or reading your alls blogs...
I am just in a funk..Lack of funds is REALLY getting to me and there is no way to change that at the moment...If I could I would....
School is starting soon and now I will have two to shop for, two to pay school fees for BUT NOT more money to do that with...
I am haveing serious issues with my weight... I KEEP losing (the last I weighed in I was at 162)so that is good I guess but it just depresses me and to me I look and feel like a cow....
My house is totally falling apart and everyday I am here I am getting more and more irrated and disgusted... My Husband PROMISED me when we got that tax money that he would atleast attempt to find out how to get rid of this place and no he never did.... I wanted to put HUNDREDS of dollars in the bank so I knew we would be ok.. I wanted to pay MONTHS AND MONTHS on lot rent, loan payment for the trailer, and pay up on all our bills...
Well none of that got done.. HE wanted to keep a hold of the money....
Seriously we had over 10,000 dollars in different checks from the past taxes and it is all gone and we are more broke than before...
Ya I admit we splurged on alot but we still had PLENTY to put away to start saving so we can finally not be poor......BUT NO..
so now because HE didn't want to save..And because HE didn't want to pay a few months on our bills ME and THE KIDS have to suffer.. It is so wrong and unfair..and I am starting to regret not leaving on that money with my kids every day I am here in this peice of shit place you cant even call a home....It looks like a fucking storage unit.. He WON'T help me go through shit like he has said over and over he would...
I know I am not the one working or bringing in the money, but I am WAY MORE responsible with money than he is... He keeps getting our bank acct. in the negative..His paychecks always go to owing..so ofcourse our lot rent again is back like 2 months,because last paycheck more than half went to fucking bank fees.....hell I can't even pay back Nae the 20 bucks I now owe her because we dont even have that extra to do..and I feel like a total piece of shit for that...so bad I don't even want to go around her,because I am so embarrassed and she is my sister!! He practically forced me to go out and said don't worry we will be able to pay her back..that was WEEKS ago... =(
He ALWAYS says it's OUR money...everything is OURS...but yet he has all the say so over evrything.....I honestly can't take it anymore.. If I had somewehre to go and save up money I would but I dont so because I am such a loser my kids have to suffer!!
I just kind of been keeping to myself, I really don't want to do anything...or talk to anyone..
So Janette that is why I haven't called ya...Give me sometime I will soon!!
I am just not happy as usual and I don't want to keep writing about my depressing life and yes I admit, It bothers me at times to hear what everyone buys or does with the kids etc...so I am trying to stay away from hearing that... Sorry if that sounds horrible but that is how I feel.. I love my friends and I love that they can make their kids happy and be secure in their lives... IT IS AWESOME!!
I just wish my Husband would want that for us...
So that is why I haven't blogged or been around... I hope all is well with everyone!!!
I am just in a funk..Lack of funds is REALLY getting to me and there is no way to change that at the moment...If I could I would....
School is starting soon and now I will have two to shop for, two to pay school fees for BUT NOT more money to do that with...
I am haveing serious issues with my weight... I KEEP losing (the last I weighed in I was at 162)so that is good I guess but it just depresses me and to me I look and feel like a cow....
My house is totally falling apart and everyday I am here I am getting more and more irrated and disgusted... My Husband PROMISED me when we got that tax money that he would atleast attempt to find out how to get rid of this place and no he never did.... I wanted to put HUNDREDS of dollars in the bank so I knew we would be ok.. I wanted to pay MONTHS AND MONTHS on lot rent, loan payment for the trailer, and pay up on all our bills...
Well none of that got done.. HE wanted to keep a hold of the money....
Seriously we had over 10,000 dollars in different checks from the past taxes and it is all gone and we are more broke than before...
Ya I admit we splurged on alot but we still had PLENTY to put away to start saving so we can finally not be poor......BUT NO..
so now because HE didn't want to save..And because HE didn't want to pay a few months on our bills ME and THE KIDS have to suffer.. It is so wrong and unfair..and I am starting to regret not leaving on that money with my kids every day I am here in this peice of shit place you cant even call a home....It looks like a fucking storage unit.. He WON'T help me go through shit like he has said over and over he would...
I know I am not the one working or bringing in the money, but I am WAY MORE responsible with money than he is... He keeps getting our bank acct. in the negative..His paychecks always go to owing..so ofcourse our lot rent again is back like 2 months,because last paycheck more than half went to fucking bank fees.....hell I can't even pay back Nae the 20 bucks I now owe her because we dont even have that extra to do..and I feel like a total piece of shit for that...so bad I don't even want to go around her,because I am so embarrassed and she is my sister!! He practically forced me to go out and said don't worry we will be able to pay her back..that was WEEKS ago... =(
He ALWAYS says it's OUR money...everything is OURS...but yet he has all the say so over evrything.....I honestly can't take it anymore.. If I had somewehre to go and save up money I would but I dont so because I am such a loser my kids have to suffer!!
I just kind of been keeping to myself, I really don't want to do anything...or talk to anyone..
So Janette that is why I haven't called ya...Give me sometime I will soon!!
I am just not happy as usual and I don't want to keep writing about my depressing life and yes I admit, It bothers me at times to hear what everyone buys or does with the kids etc...so I am trying to stay away from hearing that... Sorry if that sounds horrible but that is how I feel.. I love my friends and I love that they can make their kids happy and be secure in their lives... IT IS AWESOME!!
I just wish my Husband would want that for us...
So that is why I haven't blogged or been around... I hope all is well with everyone!!!
posted by ::Ali:: at
1:16 PM
3 Comments:
(((((HUGS)))))) I am sorry your in such a funk. I wish I could do something to help you. I wished you wouldn't put yourself down all the time. You are a good person and mother. You know I am here if you ever need to talk and it's ok call me when you feel like talking I'll be here. Take Care!!
HUGS for you.
><(((*>
::Hugs:: I'm so sorry!
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