::It's just NOT fair::

It is just not fair, Why us, why my family? Why everytime MY family needs help, or MY children need anything is it so hard for us to get anything from anyone?

Ok so Sonshine is NOT in speech anymore, I have been trying to call, for some reason they are trying to get him in with another speech therepist.. Why? Why won't they tell me why? I don't get it..My son needs this he was making such good progress and hasnt been there since BEFORE Christmas... First she was sick all week, then it was Christmas and New Years, then after that they are now saying they are TRYING to get him in with someone else.. It makes NO sense to me..Was she fired? And if so what for? Ya know, why without telling us are they switching therepists?

And we are also trying to get him into the preschool class at the Elementary school, We have been there twice, did a home evaluation with Hunter, and today we went again to do the SAME SHIT they did with him 5 months ago.. His fine motor skills are great it is his speech that he has a problem with.. Why won't they just say look he needs this? I just want to cry, it is so not fair..I am so tired of everything.. If it isnt one thing it is another.. My home is falling apart, I can't get my son into preschool or get anyone to act like they give a shit about my family.. I just can't take it.. I can't get my Husband to do ANYTHING that needs done around here, and no matter how hard I try it stays the same. I ask, nothing, I beg nothing, I scream and threaten nothing.

It just seems like evrything is going wrong! Why why why can't for once in my miserable life can't I be happy... The only thing that brings me happiness is watching my children! I am supposed to have a project done soon and I can't do that because I have none of the stuff that I need and I am sooo very upset about this, I really really wanted to do it.. I want to move but my Husband WON'T talk to the owner of the this place to see if there is a way we can move without having to pay a fortune to junk our trailer,yes the place is that bad.. Hell I dont even get sex anymore, Not shitting you my Husband and I have not been intimate in MONTHS... YES MONTHS!! Sorry if that is TMI, but it bothers me, I used to not beable to get him off of me and now, hell I dont even ask anymore! It is so sad. I have a roomate when I used to have a Husband! And I have felt this way for awhile.. I don't want to leave him because how the hell am I suposed to take care of the kids? I love my Husband so much and IT KILLS ME that are relationship has turned into what it has. I understand he works everyday, but come the hell on, if something in this house needs done that IS important too!

Oh and guess what, ya the hall has still never got painted, and now when I go to do it myself he says, oh I dont think we have enough paint for it... UM HELLO WHERE THE F^^CK DO YOU WORK?? I mean really!

Today is it, I mean after the worthless waste of time meeting at the preschool class today and almost falling on my head walking out to the car because this piece of shit landlord WON'T salt the driveway.. I went off, I told Brian if you don't go down there RIGHT now and talk to this guy about this I WILL..He KNOWS that I will go off on this man.. For the past 5 yrs he has done NOTHING but complain about us and want us out, WHy? I dont know because he wants to own all the trailers in here so he will do what it takes, I believe, to get us out.. So if he wants to play that way, I will... I WILL fall and I WILL hurt myself! And he WILL pay for it! So even after Brian went out there to find him and talk to him over an hr and a half ago he still has NOT salted once..

OMG... I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!! I just want to get my ex's income tax and leave.. I know I can't do that but I do.. I just want to make sure that my boys have a happy life and the way things are going that is not going to happen.. I am telling you what though, my Husband has a few months, and if the shit that needs to be done is not done and things are not better I guess I will have no choice in the matter, I am no longer going to jepordize mine or my sons happiness! I am miserable living here, I just feel like a failure, I feel like a failure as a Mom because no matter what I do, I can't get the people that are SUPPOSED to help my son to help him, I feel like a failure with my marriage, I am just one big fat ugly failure! I feel like a failure because my home is falling apart, I feel like a failure because it is cluttered and I have no way of improving things myself, I feel like a failure because I have no way to get a lic. and car and I HAVE to have that to better myself since it seems my Husband doesnt want to better us..

I am NOT white trash, I refuse to live like it any longer!!