::Why?::

Why? That is really all I can ask I guess.

Well things with hubby are like they were.. I just can't take it.. Now granted he is being overly nice, but he always is after a major fight and then things go back to where they were. Not that he is ever mean to me or anything but still..

We still haven't talked things out, can you believe that shit? We still haven't slept in the same bed, still haven't had sex. I just gave up on that! =(

Him and his Mom talk often about us moving in together, Have him and I talked about it? NO

He still hasn't called the bank to see if there is a stipulation on our loan for this shithole if we can move or not, still hasn't talked to the asshole that owns the park to see if he can help us out in the moving area when the time comes...ETC ETC ETC.....

So once again things are the same.. I can't take it anymore.. I am no longer going to worry about whether or not our marriage is going to work, From now on, Until I can get out of here I am going to not even act like I am a sad wifey waiting to move on with her llife , I am just gonna raise my boys and do what I can to ensure their happiness... I don't know how in the world I will ever make it on my own, but I have to try.

He hasn't even called his old bartending job to see if he has a w2 coming from them, because we can't figure out if he worked there in 2005 at all or not. Is it really that hard to make a damn phone call..COME ON! We have an appt on Thursday to get our taxes done at H&R Block, cant do them if you are missing a w2, it is totally free,the perks of having a Mom who is their receptionist every year, we don't see the money due to studen loans but shit so what, do the taxes and get it paid off so one day he will be able to get it back! But no hasn't called, so I am not telling him to anymore.. So as to the title of this post. WHY? WHY? WHY? Does he not love me anymore, he says he loves me so much, if not more than he did before. I just don't see how he can say that and then not do anything to help us!

I think honestly I have just given up, it is heartbreaking.. I love him,but sometimes I suppose that isn't enough to make a happy home! So maybe it really is over for us. =(

But my boys.. This will break their heart I just know it! And then what if he does move in with his mom and says that they can take better care of Sonshine and they take him from me? I think of that too? There is so much to think about and do and well it just breaks my heart! I could never ever live without my boys!!

I just don't know what to do.. And now with Sonshine going to be starting in preschool, I have to stay in this area, and I don't think I could afford an apt in this area.. But I have worked so hard for months to get Sonshine the help he needs and I can't just throw that away now that he will be getting it!! But I can't live like this much longer.. If I wanted a roomate to live with I would not have gotten married, kwim? I want a Husband not someone that I just share my home with!