WOW! The year is half over already! I can't even believe it!
I have so much I want to talk about, my monthly enemy should be making an appearance so I am soo very emotional and just I don't know 'down in the dumps' I guess you could say!
I was thinking that I blogged to much, but then I got to thinking, that is really what it is for.
I just get a thought and want to jot it down, thats what I do.. Sorry if you guys think I post to much..LOL But it is what I have to do when I get to feeling all emotional!
So please bear with me here, as you are all my friends and I need to type away.. =)
I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH..BUT THEY ARE DRIVING ME INSANE...REALLY..
I so need a night away alone or with girls, I mean a whole girly night!
I would so love a night away!
There are just so many things that are bugging me.. I get NO help when I NEED it! ONLY WHEN IT IS CONVIENT FOR THEM...GRR I cant take it...
I am so fed up with the 3 of them right now!!!!!
I am SO NOT HAPPY WITH ME!
I am overweight,unhealhy, depressed, and just a hermit!
NONE OF WHICH IS HEALTHY FOR ME... But why won't I change anything..
I don't know where to begin, or I am to scared to ask for help.. I think it is both..
I thought maybe changing my hair would be the start, and I really just want a new me.. Not for anyone but ME!
So where do I begin.. What do I change first?
And the other question hanging in the back of my head, Do I need medication?
I really really think that answer is yes.. But who do I call, what kind of doctor? Where do I begin with that.. Y a know... these are things my Husband should be helping me with,But our relationship is out of whack I don't even want to go to him about it..
I was told the other day that I should be committed.. That hurt me more than anything ever has! And I don't know is it true? Am I a severe mental case? Or do I just need some help making myself feel better? And if so what is that help?
I need to lose weight. I am still at 175 I flucuate between that and 180 ONLY NO HIGHER NO LOWER!
And becuase of this I am very embarrrassed to say but I am flirting with anorexia!
I eat maybe once a day... And I drink water and coffee that is all.... To me that is 'flirting' with it, I guess the first step to helping myself is telling my friends so they can yell at me to stop right?
I have asked B if I can join a ladies gym, probably Curves. I need to for me.
He said yes if we can afford it. BUT I haven't even looked into it. Why not?
Mainly because I don't drive.. So he would have to take me.
I don't want that. I am tired of that, but don't even know where to begin to change that right now! I need a workout buddy, but I dont have one! I need someone who really does want to try!
So that is why I haven't even opened up my pilates dvds.. I just, I dunno I hate doing all the things I enjoy alone! =(
Hell I have all kinds of fun surprises planned up for all my wonderful friends, and I have to do it alone so Iam not finishing them up.. It really blows not driving, but again, I can't really do it alone, I need strength, encouragement from loved ones, the mental strength, etc...none of which I have.
So that brings me to another way to lose weight and get back to something I LOVE!!
Dancing.. I have really really been in the dancing mood lately!
Dancing used to be such a big part of my life.. I was never in dance or anything just always always had music playing and I used to always be dancing.. And not to sound concieded(sp?) or anything like that but I am pretty good at it... Over the years, I had kids and got 'fluffy'(Thanks Candlelady, I love that word..LOL) and don't do it as much.
Well I have been finding myself dancing around alot lately.. To anything..even sitting here in my seat, I will go to town so much the kiddos will laugh so hard at me..LOL
When I was a teenager and we would go to the skating rink every weekend, I never skated, I always danced...
I want to dance again, I used to go out all the time just to dance, I know I can't do that cause Nae can't always watch my kiddos, LOL And I'd want her with me atleast some of the time..LOL
A few years ago, I was living with a friend of mine(RIGHT AS B and I were getting to know each other)helping her after her divorce with her kids etc... and she took belly dancing.. Well at the time we didnt have the money for me to take classes but I went a few times with her and got to join in etc...
I LOVED IT!!! It was one of the most funniest things I have ever done in my life!
I want to do it again! I asked B if I could take lessons, he says yes if we can afford it, So why haven't I looked into that either? Because I don't want to take lessons alone.. =(
I guess I am just lonely, which really sucks because I live with 3 other people!
Java what parts of KY are you heading to? Close enough for me to come visit? LOL
Like I said in the beginning it is maybe just hormones and almost 'that time of the month' but I just have been feeling really really down!
Thanks for listening if read this far!!